Well its been over a month...

Well everyone, here we go.  This blog entry is going to be short and sweet, and by the end of the week some new photos will be up (this time I swear).

I believe its been over a month, I have to check my first blog hahaha.  But anyways, as we stand, I am now weighing in at 229lbs (down 11lbs!!) and 1 whole pant size smaller (I am now a 16!).  

Do I feel any different?  Not really... Do I notice any changes in my body?  Slight ones - my ring is sliding off my finger, my jeans sag in all the wrong places, and the one part of my body that I would love to go down a size (my breasts) are still huge with no change there.  Do I think I look different?  Not really.  When I set up the digital camera later to take photos we shall see if there is a difference, even if only a slight one.  

Matt, on the other hand, has been dropping weight like he's anorexic.  His pants are literally falling off of him :o)  which makes it easier to take advantage of him ;o).  I can slide off my pants without unbuttoning them, and I notice that my belt is a bit looser.  

The one big fear I have, is my belly.  Its huge.  Its one of the biggest parts about me.  As I am losing weight, I do notice a little more fleshy areas in the belly which I am hoping crunches, and sit ups and leg ups will assist with at the gym.  The trainer at the gym (we joined Planet Fitness) seemed hopeful and encouraging that I will be able to get a decent looking belly again.  

Its been hard, especially with work.  Toss 2 cans of Slim Fast in the lunch bag with some ice, 3 - 100 calorie snacks or low calorie snack of my choice, and dinner and I'm normally done.  But a person can only eat so many healthy choice microwaveable dinners when their entree' list includes about 6 items.  


Recently the past 2 days I have been preparing meals in the slow cooker.  Yesterday was an Italian Potroast, which was a big hit with both Matt and Tim who joined us for dinner.  Tonight is some sweet and spicy kielbasa... I bought a slow cooker recipe book at Kohl's the other day, and they have a whole section devoted to 4 serving meals at less then 200 calories a serving.  I figure on my days on prepare them in the slow cooker as soon as I get home, and then scoop the cooked result into some plastic containers and bring them on to work.  So far the recipes have all been hits, I am just hoping that as we reach into the healthier stuff it doesn't taste like paste.  


I realized the other day as I was going through things and looked at photos that I took privately for Matt (Olivia did a wonderful job with them).  That although I don't look horrible, I don't look the way that I want to be.  I am going to take Olivia up on her offer, and once I am at my goal weight she is once again going to shoot those photos, and I can't wait to be completely and totally comfortable in my skin for the photos :o)  Although Olivia did a great job of easing my shyness!


I have been doing other things recently that makes me feel a bit better about my body, and that is my teeth are being fixed slowly, ALL OF THEM!  I am so excited to see the outcome over the next 2 months :o)


Last but not least, I saw my friend Jen update her status that she is down 120 lbs!  I am so excited for her! From the photos I have gotten to glimpse she looks amazing!!  Not only is she eating healthy, exercising and taking care of 2 very small children with her husband in the Military, but she is staying focused on her goal.  She has not deviated, she has adapted and overcome her bad habits and I am soooo proud of her! She is truly my inspiration in this, because if she, after having three children, and like myself, has always been a big girl, has decided to put her foot down, and say enough is enough, and is transforming her body, I can do it too.  Jen, you look amazing, keep up the great work! 


I promise that photos should be up by Wednesday as I have a very busy 'today and tomorrow'.  I will also have a slightly entertaining story when I have more time to write.  Thank you to all my faithful readers who have been prodding me these last few weeks for more, because as you can see I have gotten horribly complacent and have been completely neglecting my blog! I will keep up with it more often, at least once a week.


Talk to you all by Wednesday!

Days 7,8,9,10, and 11... getting... harder lol

So as the days are going by I find myself staring at disgusting foods... like cake.  Everywhere I go there is cake.  And I am not a big cake eater! I will make one occasionally, but normally cake is not my thing.  I found myself in Wegman's staring at the bakery cakes, thinking to myself, "Can I demolish that before I get home and not wear it so Matt doesn't know?".  Or "Will they think I'm weird if I ask to smell it for 5 minutes?"  Yes ladies and gentlemen, those thoughts went through my mind.  I sat there, and walked through the bakery aisle like 10 times before the craving finally went away... till I got out the door.  Then it hit me as I was walking to my car.  The little Devil on my shoulder was saying "Nahhh, you got this, go inside and eat a cake".  But I didn't.  That night... I went out to meet up with a friend, and got some dinner, and where am I sitting?  Right next to the god-damned cake display!  As I finish my dinner and a lengthy conversation ensues, the cake is practically knocking on the glass, and screaming "eat me! EAT ME!".  So I gave in, and bought a piece.  But I didn't devour the whole thing which surprised me.  I ate half of the slice.  I was kind enough to share too :o)  But as I found myself eating it, a bit of satisfaction hit me, like hot cocoa on a freezing afternoon after shoveling.  I wasn't craving more when I was done.  I was content with my one piece.  That one piece got rid of my cravings that I have been having the past few days.  Am I disappointed in myself?  You bet.  Will it happen again? Of course.  Will I make this a daily habit? Of course not! And do you know why?  Because the lovely people who invent all this delicious processed food we so eagerly fill our bellies with, have made 100 calorie snack packs! One little package can give yummy satisfaction to my sweet tooth craving of the day.

So many people have asked me what am I doing for the diet, and I have come to realize as I am going through my blogs that I haven't kept you up to date with that.  I originally started out on the diet that came with the exercise program.  I had two problems with that though.  It required me to cook too much on my days on, and it wasn't enough sugar to support my hypoglycemia issue.  Have low blood sugars in the 30-40's is not a fun experience for me 4 days in a row, and it most definitely wasn't fun for my partner who was experiencing my crankiness.  So I was looking for a more practical way... something that is easy preparation, isn't going to cost me an arm and a leg, and still allows me to eat a regular meal at times.  I remembered my mother a while back talking about Slim Fast, and I did it when I was going to the fire academy to keep my weight the same. So I went out to the store, and bought some drinks for the Slim Fast 1-2-3 program.  It advertises one meal a day, 2 shakes a day, and 3 snacks a day.  That is what suits me.  The shakes and snacks go in my lunch bag and come with me to work.  My 1 meal a day happens when I get home.  I have been on it for 3 days.  I haven't been hungry once, I find it easy to follow, and I can still have a decent meal that I can enjoy when I get home!  Although I am sorry to say the weight is not falling off like it was in the other diet, but this is what suits me and my work lifestyle.  I figured I should be at my goal weight by the wedding... Hopefully :o)

With that, sorry for the sporadic blogs, but its been quite hectic at work and home, so by the time I get to sit behind a computer, I am so tired I can't make out what I am typing on the screen.  Like right now I just finished a 12 hour day tour, sat down in the recliner, had my nice Miso Soup and started to type.  As I am nearing the conclusion of this blog, I am starting to get sleepy.  The next post will include new photos and weight (3 more days, maybe with a photo-less blog in-between).

Thank you to all my loyal readers, I love hearing your feed back!

Days 4, 5, and 6 getting easier!

So as these days go by I find myself wanting to eat less, and not really missing the old foods.  Although walking around the mall today made me look more then once at the pretzel place!

I have been trying not to weigh myself on a daily basis, but its so hard not to!  I am not going to share of course what the scale says till my 2 week mark but its very exciting for me.  Matt's been doing good with his diet as well, right now he's sick, has spent the better part of the past 24 hours in bed so he hasn't been doing the workout.  The initial workout that I was doing was too high impact on my ankle, so I have switched to using the elliptical in the gym and just some basic stuff (crunches, sit ups, push-ups) to pass the time.  I find it a lot harder on my 4 days on to be able to keep up with an exercise routine only because working the hours I work I am almost always too exhausted to the point where I have no desire to go into the gym before or after I come home from work.  I have been doing good so far with keeping up with working out on my days off so that's  a big plus.

I did a feel good thing for myself today, last week it was hair cut, dye, nails, pedicure, and waxing :o)  Today it was a Keratin treatment for my hair.  Supposed to reduce frizz and relax curls, non-damaging to the hair at all! So I have been doing some more stuff for me.  

I am amazed as the days are going on the junk that I am not putting into my body and the difference it makes in the way I feel on a daily basis.  Don't get me wrong, I am not going to be becoming one of those health-food fanatics who obsesses on every little thing, in the future I still want to be able to enjoy a good hamburger, hot dog, buttered popcorn, or *sigh* pretzels from the mall.  It just I need to take that stuff in moderation once I reach my goal weight.  I am hoping as the weeks go on, that I am going to be craving these items less and less, so I wont spontaneously buy this stuff when I am in the mood for it.  It was extremely hard walking through Wegman's today and passing the bakery section... I think people probably would have thought I was weird if I started sniffing all the goodies.


So as I am entering into day 7, I am looking at everything that I am doing, and I am happy with the way things are going.  If it was up to me, I would drop all the weight in a week and be done with it.  But I know I have taken a while to get myself into this state, so it's going to take a while to get me out of it. 


On a side note, I wanted to make a comment to my friend Jen Deane who has lost well over 100 lbs this past year, and has been doing such a good job in keeping herself healthy, getting into shape, and ensuring she is going to be around a long time to look after her 3 kids.  Jen, you are doing an amazing job, don't let anyone tell you otherwise!  Keep up the great work!


That's all for today.  I have nothing particularly fascinating to write about today.  No great recipes, but if anyone ever wants to share I am all for it!  Give you another update in a day or 2!!

Days 2 and 3 over and done with :o)

So, its officially the completion of day three, sorry I didn't get to update day 2 (Olivia had to remind me, as I was a drooling mess behind the wheel of my ambulance from lack of sleep).  So now that I am home, and the 5 Hour Energy Drink has finally decided to kick in, I am once again behind my trusty keyboard tapping away at the keys with mindless banter.  My cat Noodle wants to put her two sense in too, she keeps kneading my head...

Anyways, the diet is going good.  Finding it a bit hard to find time to exercise after these past two 17 hour shifts in a row, but have been keeping straight with the diet.  The next few days is going to consist of lots of cardio to make up for lost time :o)  Cooking for this diet is kind of hard since it has to be done either as soon as I get home from work, or before I leave for work.  Either way, prep and cooking time is about an hour (an hour these past few days I really didn't have).  Matt and I realized we were running low on supplies, so upon completion of my shift yesterday morning I ran to the public market, and spent $55 on meats and produce.  Its freaking expensive to eat healthy.  The plus is we now have tons of frozen meats and some nice fresh fruits and veggies to eat.  I tried to throw some veggies into a pot with veggie broth and shred some chicken into it, it was a waste of 2 large chicken breasts, carrots, zucchini, celery, and whatever else I decided to throw in there.  If I knew what ass would taste like, it would most likely closely resemble the soup that I made.

Its kind of scary how simply changing your diet and activities can change parts of your body almost immediately.  I was at work tonight, and have come to realize I can slip off my engagement ring without even trying, just slides right off.  Although I am happy to start seeing results 3 days in, I am saddened by the fact that I already have to adjust the band-size for my engagement ring.  I am just going to get one of those temporary ones until I get to my ideal weight and then have it permanently set.


Spoke to my Mom today, told her Matt and I started a diet and exercise program together.  She is all excited.  Then I told her I started a Blog, and she had no clue what it was.  Trying to explain a Blog to my mother is like explaining astrophysics to a stoner.  I get a lot of"whaaaats" and "hmmmmms".  One day she may just understand this, but probably not.  If it involves a computer screen, keyboard, or mouse, she is lost. It was like the day I was trying to explain to her why her e-mail wasn't working, and finally I figured out over the phone she was repeatedly opening a Microsoft Word document and obviously couldn't follow my repeated directions on how to hit send...

Anyways... the support from family, friends, acquaintances and co-workers has been absolutely amazing.  I had one of my co-workers come up to me yesterday and asked me why I posted my photos in sports bra's (yes bra's, there's three on in that photo) instead of a tank top.  My simple answer, to embarrass myself, to make me truly see myself, and make sure I don't ever want to go back to this point.  They just stared at me.  Its hard to explain.  I have never truly had poor self image, I have always been the tallest, I have always had the broadest shoulders, and I have always had more muscles.  I just never realized how poorly in shape I truly was (yes, I know round is a shape, and so is pear).  I don't want to see myself in 20 years so winded I can't run around with my kids, can't enjoy life to the fullest, and end up with numerous health problems lots of our patients have.  I want to enjoy life with as little restrictions as possible.  Being this size is going to limit that, so I want to change it.

Our of all the things in my life I feel uncontrolled about, this appears to be the first thing I am truly in control of... and I'm loving every minute of it.  Except when my partner eats taco bell, because that stuff smells good.

Day 1 done and over... truly not so bad.

So I have officially completed the first day of exercising and dieting.  It wasn't too horrific, although my hour recovery time on the living room floor was something left to be desired (did you know cats take advantage of you at your weakest and crawl all over you for attention?) 

I stayed up till about 0800 hours this morning after spending over an hour grocery shopping at the Wegman's and organizing everything.  I then proceeded to cook all the days food, and pack Matt his meals for the day (Matt was working some overtime today).  By the way, now I know why a high percentage of the U.S. is so overweight, it is by far waaaay cheaper to eat less healthy, processed foods then it is to eat natural and healthy foods.  So far no issue with the food, its all healthy stuff I should be eating anyways, its just hard to get used to eating a ton of veggies, they are the most disgusting creation on earth, no lie.  I sat there, and had to count a bunch of celery and carrots out for my day, since I pretty much wont eat any other vegetable.  Its kind of sad.  Matt is cursing the creator of rice cakes publicly on Facebook, so I'm guessing he's not as big of a fan.

As I'm sitting here I am looking around and trying to figure out how to attach my photos to this thing.  I thought it would be more self explanatory. I keep deleting my blog accidentally.  Ugh, to sit here and look at these photos, I have to wonder to myself.  How did I get to this point? Well, I do know the answer, its just sad to see my body the way it is.  Hopefully that will change as the weeks go by. 

I find this photo especially depressing, as I look like a freaking pear.  Not only that, but my hair is not cooperating....



The support from everyone has been overwhelming.  Many people are shocked and surprised that I am posting everything and holding nothing back.  I guess the best way is just to say, I'm purposely embarrassing myself.  I don't want to come back to this point.

I mean this is truly saddening.  Although my belly is truly not bigger then my boobs (I have 3 sports bras on) its still sad to see it.








So here as my photos.  I am not by any means baring all.  I am showing my shape, my size, and my skin.  It is my hopes in the coming months that I lose a lot of this weight, flatten my stomach some, and just tone my body to an acceptable level to me.


I think the bigger challenges that I am going to be experiencing is going to be on the days that I am working.  Its going to be harder to prepare the meals, and get in the hour of exercise that is needed to keep this up.


Till next blog... thank you all my readers.  Thank you all for the support. Whoever wants to join us is welcome :o)

The night before day 1...

So, as I'm sitting here typing this I have two major hopes and goals in mind:

1)  At the completion of this blogging expedition, I will be at my goal weight and body structure.

2)  I will be too embarrassed from posting this to ever return to the point where I am right now.

Here is my story: I am a 27 year old female who is working full time as a Paramedic at a job that I love.  I have come to the conclusion that where I used to be happy and comfortable with the way I am, that is very untrue. My fiance' insists that he loves me the way that I am, and that truly does make me feel better.  But I am not happy with me.  

At 5'11" I weigh in at 240 lbs.  I wear a size 18 tall pants, with 2XL for shirts.  I am not by any means worse off then some other people out there, so don't get me wrong as I post this.  I am doing this for myself, and only myself.  What do I want to go back to?  I want to go back to being a size 8-10 between 165-180 lbs.  This was my ideal weight back in senior year of high school, which I also met when I was going through the fire academy.  I want to be able to run again, perform more activities and not be worried as I lean or sit on something, thinking to myself, "Is this going to hold me?".

Some people wonder how I got to this point... my best answer is laziness.  I work overnights, as I have for the past 8 years of my life.  I work no less then 12 hours each shift, which makes it hard to have a life on my 4 days in a row on.  As soon as I get home, I hop in the shower, then go right to bed.  Most of the time, I am so exhausted that I sleep through till when I have to get up and get ready for work and leave. That leaves me no time to prepare a healthy meal for myself.  So instead as I venture into my overnight, its not deli's or health-food stores that are open late,  its fast-food and gas station burritos.  You would be surprised at my eclectic palate.  But anyway, add the poor eating habits to my relatively sedentary lifestyle (out of sheer exhaustion) and you get a 240lb Fat Paramedic.  

I guess I started becoming unhappy when I began to look at more recent photos of myself.  I realize in certain photos I have a double chin, or when I look at a full length photo of me, I am fatter then I have come to realize.  Sometimes you never really realize how large you have gotten till you get a good look at a photo.  I just happen to peruse through old photos and I was amazed at how much I have changed over the years, and in a way its upsetting.  I have literally shaved years off of my life getting to the point where I am right now.  

I went to my doctor for a checkup last month, and the doctor had asked me what I was planning on doing to lose weight.  I had no plan at that point, I was just thinking to myself, if I just cut down on the carbs I should be good.   I didn't work in any exercise plan, I didn't think of something to do with myself to help me tone my body.  And that was my fault.  As I go to my doctors today, he states, well there's gastric bypass, and after that tummy tucks and lipo that can be done to make me look the way I want to look.  I just looked at him.  I have had 2 friends get the lap band, and one friend get gastric bypass.  I have another friend who just got a tummy tuck.  They all couldn't be happier with their results and they all look fantastic.  But I don't want to go that route.  I want to try everything humanly possibly to fix my body, its been done before, and it can be done again.  If I get no where, then maybe  I will consider one of the above. 

What is my plan you ask?  Well, starting tomorrow, I am starting a diet and exercise regiment that will not only keep me moving, keep me healthy, and help me lose weight... but it will also help me get to the point that I want to be.  The weight, the shape, the size.    The plus is, I am not doing this on my own.  My fiance' Matt is doing it with me! The same diet, the same exercise plan, and he is there to give me the support I need.  I plan on documenting as much as I can with bi-weekly photos (starting tomorrow) with current weights.  I am hoping that although I may not see a difference, I will notice a difference in the photos.  This exercise regiment is being done without the assistance of supplements.  No diet aids, no fat burners, no energy supplements (except carb free monster when I work, because that's the only thing that gets me through a shift if I can't have coffee)  I figure that the more things I post, the lest likely I am going to be to stop this regiment and return to my old ways out of sheer embarrassment.  People I know, and people I don't will be able to read this blog.  I figure that is embarrassing enough.

What is my ultimate goal?  Be between 160-180.  Wear a size 10.  Be in shape, be fit, and above all, be happy.  I want to smile when I see pictures of myself.  And when I see photos of me walking down the aisle in May of 2011, I want to be paying attention to the love of my life, and not worrying about if fat rolls are visible.  

So tomorrow is going to be Blog from Day 1 with a starting photo and weight. 

In conclusion, thank you to those who are going to follow my journey.  Thank you to those for giving me the support I am going to desperately need. And thank you to the man I love, Matt, for doing this with me.  This would suck to do this all alone.